Thursday, July 16, 2009

In A Nutshell: "Intimacy in Marriage"

I was brought to remembrance "Love & Marriage" sung by Frank Sinatra's during this morning's chat with Dr Huang Wei-Jen. In marriage, it sometimes seems like it's the spouse pulling the carriage and that's when things start to break down. There was much insight to Dr Huang's sharing on marriage and and how each party's expectatations, desires, interpretations and reactions in marriage is hugely complex. The analogy of marriage being like a dance was beautiful. How synchronisation is everything! Yet, how many times have you and/or your spouse fallen out of step, throwing the other off.

Dr Huang who's clinical psychologist and professor at Northwestern University 's Feinberg School of Medicine in Illionois, Chicago, puts it down to passion, psychological intimacy and commitment in ensuring an enduring marriage and one that can witness a fairy tale ending with a "happily ever after".

In A Nutshell, here are
Dr Huang's thoughts on
"Intimacy in Marriage".

Q: What is the most common warped impression of how marriages are kept alive?
A: That love is a feeling and 'you' are responsible for 'my' happiness. If you make me happy, I love you. If you don't make me happy, I punish you.

Q: What is over-rated in marriage?
A: That our spouse meetd all our needs and we live happily ever after.

Q: What is under-rated in a marital relationship?

A: That marriage can help us grow and develop into a better person.

Q: If Banana Boat soothes sun burnt skin and Panadol treats headaches, what will treat conflicts and promote reconciliation in marriage?
A: One (word or gesture of) appreciation a day. Always scan for positive efforts and intention. Remember that 'relationship' is more important than 'efficiency' or 'perfection'.

Q: I would tell couples who're struggling in their marriages to...
A: ...keep learning and loving. If you are willing to do so, there's hope.

Q: Marriage is...
A: ...a crisis made up of (i) danger and (ii) opportunity to grow, learn and be happier.

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